Loving, Living, Dying (and a slice of cherry pie)
by samanddianefan10
Summary: Jeff's father is dying, and he doesn't want anyone to know. Meanwhile, Britta's upset about recurring dreams she has been having about Jeff. Jeff ultimately finds a friend in the most unlikely of places- Pierce.
1. Chapter 1

Jeff was noticeably absent from study group on Monday. And the next day. And the day after that.

Of course, the group all tossed about theories, Abed's favorite was that Jeff had just gotten Netflix, had been taken in by the word of mouth concerning Breaking Bad, and was madly binge-watching. And, like the rest of America, once he'd started, he couldn't stop.

Shirley heard it from a friend, who'd heard it from a friend (wasn't that the way it usually worked) that Jeff had had a religious experience, and was secluding himself in a cabin with nothing more than a Bible and a loaf of bread.

Britta, disturbed over some "M" rated dreams she'd recently been having involving Jeff (and a cherry pie, but that was a different story- and not to be revealed to anyone in the group.)

Pierce, sitting down, armed with a book and, of all things, a slice of cherry pie, looked around. "So, what's the scoop?"

Britta looked at him, turned all shades of white, and threw her books down and ran out of the room.

Everyone watched on in shock, except, of course, for the usually oblivious Pierce, who took a big bite out of his pie, and then before swallowing, asked "What's with Annie?"

Annie shook her head and slapped him with her paper. "I'm Annie!"

"Then who's the girl with the big..."

"Pierce!" They all shouted in unison.

"Well, its nice to know that its business as usual. Which is exactly the way I want it to be. Not that I was expecting it, but still...so, shall we proceed?" Jeff walked in, and without looking at anyone, sat at his usual spot and opened his book.

Shirley looked at everyone, then turned to Jeff. "Jeff...is there anything wrong?"

"Anything more wrong than Chang deciding that he wants to be my best friend- offering to carry my books, to bring me my lunch, to hold my phone so I can have a "hands free" cell phone experience?" Jeff sighed.

"What's wrong with that?" Shirley asked innocently. "It would be nice to have someone do all my dirty work."

"You mean a slave?" Pierce asked, and everyone, even Jeff, stared at him.

"What?"

Shirley, after mentally debating whether to strike Pierce in the face, turned her attentions back to Jeff. Pierce could wait. Jeff, unshaven, clearly was in bad shape. And as the group's unofficial "den mother", it was her job to get to the bottom of whatever was eating Jeff. "Jeff, sweetie..." she began.

Jeff sighed. "I don't want to hear it, Shirley. Okay! I don't want to talk, I don't want my friends to drop everything to show 'sincere' concern for my well-being. I don't want to talk, and I barely even wanted to get out of bed today. Of course, by admitting that last thought out loud, I was practically begging to be analyzed. Which is the last thing I want or need. Let's go back to studying, all right?" Jeff sighed without looking at his friends.

Just then the dean ran in. "Jeffrey! I just heard the most shocking news..."

Jeff put his head on the table. "No, I do not want to talk about it!"

"That's a cry for help if I've ever heard one," Shirley commented, and everyone agreed. Even Pierce nodded. "That's your classic state of denial. By denying his need to talk about his problem, he's actually calling attention to himself, which is what he proclaims not to want in the first place."

Jeff looked up at Pierce.

"What? I stole a copy of the big boobed girl's psych book.I thought there might be pictures of her what-nots."

"Pierce! Annie's the one with the..."Troy started. "Anyways, it was Britta who ran out of the room."

"Britta? What's with her?" Jeff asked, sitting up only to see the dean staring at him.

"Jeff...Chang tells me you've agreed to let him be your man-servant for the week. If that is true- which I most sincerely hope it's not- then you have to let me be your man-servant at nights and on weekends," the dean exclaimed a little too enthusiastically.

Everyone temporarily forgot about the MIA Britta, the socially awkward Pierce, and the upset Jeff, and just looked on in awkward silence as Jeff shot the dean a dirty look.

"This.." Jeff stood up. "This is exactly what I was hoping not to return to. Thanks again, and it's been nice seeing you all again. Let's do this again, shall we?"

Jeff, with more than a trace of contempt in his voice, grabbed his books and stormed out of the room.

"Boy, Britta must be on her time of month.."Pierce commented.

"You do know that was Jeff, not Britta," Troy asked.

"Of course it's Jeff. More pie, anyone?" Pierce lifted his fork, and ate the rest of his pie while everyone looked down.

Britta...upset. Jeff..upset.

Yes, strange things were afoot at Greendale, for sure.

Tbc


	2. Chapter 2

So Jeff, feeling pretty badly about the way he'd just stormed off from the group, looked around, and sought solace in the nearest available area- by the fountain.

It was amazing how just the sound of the water trickling down could ease his tensions, make him forget about his problems and just appreciate all he did have in life. His looks, his health, his friends...

No, Abed was clearly wrong. No television trope could erase the way he was feeling that day.

As far as he was concerned, the last thing he needed was any attention from his friends.

And of course, in an ironic twist, perhaps a nod to Abed's way of thinking that life was a series of tv setups...who should arrive but Pierce? He was most definitely not a friend, Jeff chuckled bitterly to himself.

"Hey, it's okay. When you get a little older, these things happen. My advice..stay clear from the sounds of trickling water."

Jeff stared at the elderly member of his study group.

"Eh, never mind. Anyways, son.."

"I'm not your son!" Jeff shouted, barely registering a look from any of the passing bystanders.

"I know you're not my son. I mean, biologically speaking, I would have had to have you when I was four...not that I wasn't genetically equipped and blessed at that age," Pierce continued, quite oblivious to Jeff's growing sense of discomfort.

"Pierce," Jeff sighed. "May I ask you a question?" And- in true lawyer-form- he didn't want for a response. "Has it ever occurred to you that no one likes you- and the reason no one likes you is because you constantly say the most inappropriate and socially awkward comments that come to your mind? And.."

Pierce started to sit, but stumbled badly and fell into the pool. After a few bumbling attempts to steady himself, Pierce finally managed to right himself.

"And that.." Jeff scoffed. "You continue to fall and lose your balance every time you attempt to do even the most basic human function- like, say, sitting! Do you have any idea of how annoying that is? Has anyone ever brought it to your attention that it gets really old watching you fall backwards every time you enter a room, or sit on a chair, or climb stairs?"

Pierce looked away. "Some people used to say that was my biggest gift to comedy," he sighed wistfully.

"What? Now what are you rambling about...I can't believe I'm even encouraging this discussion..."

"Jeff, let me tell you a story. A story about someone near and dear to your heart. Someone you think you know, but because of, say, his age, or flashy clothing style, you actually don't know the first thing judge him because of his skills with the ladies, his boyish good looks, without really trying to see past the surface."

Winger rolled his eyes. "Okay, I'm game. This is obviously another cry for attention...so go on."

After Jeff saw the hurt look on Pierce's face, he sighed. "I'm sorry. Go on."

Pierce still looked away at a distance, obviously ready to relive some of his glory days..whatever those were. "Jeff, I may be a bit older, I may have a bit more gray in the hair...some lines on my face that weren't always there. But there was once a time when I had the world at my feet. The way I constantly fall...well, you could consider that part of my act..."

"You just really want people to pay attention to you so by falling you're bringing attention to yourself, which gets people to show concern and it leads to some conversation..."

"No, no, no," Pierce frowned. "It was all part of my act. Like my show business act. Jeff, I've never told anyone this...but I was once considered a show business legend."

Jeff stood up, shaking his head. "You're unbelievable.."

"That's what they used to say..."

Something about the sadness in Pierce's voice, the way he seemed so lost...well, despite his every intention to walk as far away as possible, Jeff sat back down and decided to listen. "Go on."

"Yes, I was part of a group- much like this one. Only I didn't think I was part of the group- I was the whole ensemble. I was great looking, great body, I could charm the socks off of my mother..."

Jeff laughed in spite of himself. "Not that anyone wants to charm the socks off their mother...but okay."

Pierce sighed again. "Every weekend, I was part of an act. Millions watched as I, from the east coast, performed my act late at night...and they loved me. I was the star, the big shot...I had the world at its feet."

"And then?"

Hawthorne looked at Jeff. "I guess I grew a little too big for my britches. I forgot who my friends were."

In a really, really strange way, that made perfect sense to Jeff. "I guess I see what your getting at...the group is here for me, and though at times I think I can do better...its times like what I'm obviously going through now- a major life crisis- that I find out who my friends are, and that I would do well not to forget to let them in now and then."

"I was going to give you some autographs to sell on ebabe, or whatever..but if that's the message you took..." Pierce smiled.

Jeff decided then and there that he would let his friends in, that he would open up to them about the crisis that he was facing, that he would never take their friendship for granted again...but as he stood up to walk back towards the group, something about Pierce's story clicked. He turned around and stared at his study partner.

"Wait...a stumbling act..on weekend nights..say, that wouldn't have been on, hmm, Saturday nights, would it have been" Jeff questioned.

"It might have been..."

"The east coast...let me guess...hmm, you were in New York..."

"I'm not one to brag..."

"the millions who adored you, the fame, the stumbling act...You do realize you're talking about Chevy Chase, not yourself, right?" Jeff scoffed.

"Hey! I never claimed to be Chevy Chase. All I know was that when I ended my bit with 'I'm Pierce Hawthorn of Hawthorne Wipes and..."

"And you're not," Jeff rolled his eyes.

"No," Pierce continued. "I was going to say that 'I'm Pierce Hawthorn of Hawthorne Wipes and..you're in for the bargain of a lifetime! It wipes, it sanitizes, and your husbands will really want to come home to you every night..."

Jeff shook his head. "You're unbelievable, you know that? You sit around telling tall tales- which no one in their right minds would ever believe..just to fill some void in your life, a void that you obviously created...what could be more pathetic?"

As Jeff stormed off, he was stunned by Pierce's retort.

"An aging looker with unresolved daddy issues who obviously is going to hate any man of a certain age just because he's old enough to be his father?"

Jeff's jaw dropped. Before he could say another word, Pierce tried to get up, but dropped his books, and then nearly tripped over his calculator which had fallen. "Never mind, don't help me. I don't need anyone. See how that works?"

As Jeff watched Pierce walk away, he'd realized something- not only did he despise Pierce's obvious sadness and loneliness in life, but he resented him for reminding him of his own loneliness. Jeff knew he should go to the man, make amends...but then he got a text message, reminding him of an appointment for his father's health problems (if dying of cancer was a "health problem")...and suddenly, Jeff wished he could fall to the ground in an effort to get someone to help him for once, instead of being the person everyone turned to.

Maybe Pierce had...stumbled...upon something.

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

Jeff, feeling torn between turning to the group, apologizing to Pierce, or just running away...far, far away, was altogether not surprised yet still caught off guard when not only did his new self-appointed 'best friend" Chang approach him, but the Dean was following in close pursuit. Jeff-worshiping, verbally and publicly adoring and lusting Dean. Yeah, that Dean.

"Jeffery," Chang smiled as he bowed before Jeff, to which Dean audibly gasped and covered his mouth. It was when the dean decided to follow Chang's example that caused Jeff to abruptly turn away, shaking his head in protest.

But both men followed, and finally, Jeff, at the end of his proverbial rope, turned and let off a long-bottled in and much needed to get out amount of steam. "Stop! Just stop! Did it ever occur to you that your advances are not only not reciprocated, they are not wanted! I'm not homophobic..I'm not...trust me, I've fully supported the lesbian movement and my credit card receipts- to a certain website will prove me right...but come on, Dean! You surely can't think that I'm interested in a relationship with you...not only am I not gay- which there is nothing wrong with!- but even if I were, and you can trust me on this, you are the last person on earth I would want to be gay with! (not that there's anything- and I cannot stress this enough- wrong with anyone being gay.) It's just not who I am. It's not me. I'm sorry if I can't fulfill your wild fantasies for a night of passion with the locker room boy-toy, but that's just not me. Can I be any more clearer that I am just not into you?"

Chang stared at Dean, and by now, even the study group, after hearing from Pierce about Jeff's treatment of him and ran to see what was going on, had stopped in disbelief at Jeff's outburst.

"Jeffrey, sweetie, you know that I personally am not homophobic, just a faithful Bible and Jesus follower...have no problem in theory with what you just said...but even I know that was a bit harsh," Shirley spoke up.

Jeff turned to her. "Come on, Shirley! Not only are you a homophobe, the worst kind, but you're also a hypocrite! You condemn homosexuals to hell based on your, and I quote, your belief in the Bible...but you forget how the Bible tends to frown upon premarital sex..." then Jeff turned and stared at Chang, then nodded back at Shirley. She gasped, and the rest of the group stared in shock.

Pierce was very confused. "You mean...you and Chang..."

"I don't want to talk about it!" Shirley shrieked.

"I mean, I agree with Jeff, I always thought you were a hypocrite...I just figured it was because you were a lesbian," Pierce protested.

"What?" the group, the dean, and even Chang said in unison.

"I can't think of any other reason why you turned down my frequent and generous offers for the most loving and giving and...lengthy...nights of passion with myself in favor of..well, in favor of the Chinese man."

"Yeah, well, you're old," Chang laughed.

Pierce didn't even blink. "I know you are but what am I?"

Jeff shook his head. "Good one, Pierce."

Annie touched Jeff's arm. "Look, Jeff...we all know something's bothering you. Whatever it is..we can't help if we don't know what's going on..."

"I don't want your help! I've never been anyone's charity case. I just...you know what my problem is? My life was a lie, before I came to Greendale. But at least it was a happy lie. I could tell myself that I was happy with my 600 dollar faucets, my fancy condo, my expensive car, my 6000 dollar suits, my 300 dollar haircuts..."

Britta scoffed. "You paid 300 dollars for a haircut?"

Even Abed noted that the timing for her indignation was not appropriate for the situation. Which, of course, he noted to Troy that this made for a perfect sitcom situation of yet another blowup of Jeff's misdirected frustration with his own life events, which could only be alienated by making his friends who loved him the most hurt as badly as he was.

Troy nodded, then turned his attention back to the freak show which was slowly becoming their lives.

"Britta, why don't we just for once stop talking about me and my faults, and ask you why you apparently ran out of the room in tears?" Jeff replied with more than a trace of sarcasm in his voice.

"I was not in tears!" Britta protested.

Pierce then offered her a bite of a Hostess Cherry Pie, which apparently, he'd been carrying around in his jacket.

Britta stared at him, stared at Jeff, then once again, ran off.

"This...this is exactly what I don't need right now! All I want is to get to my car, go back to my place and sleep for an undetermined amount of time..." Jeff sighed.

"You can crash in my office..I have a fold out couch underneath my desk," the dean offered.

"Underneath your desk? Nevermind...I really, really don't want to know," Jeff muttered.

"Jeffrey, my car is right across the street. It would be an honor to drive you to your apartment," Chang offered, after smugly grinning at the dean.

"I don't...you know what..I will take you up on that offer. When a car ride with Chang beats the company of your friends, you know you're having a bad day," Jeff shook his head, and then, after Chang took Jeff's books, they were off, leaving the study group once again wondering exactly what was wrong with their friend.

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

Jeff knew his friends meant well. They were an odd bunch, to say the least. And he wasn't proud of this, but it had occurred to him more than once that if he hadn't been forced to enroll at Greendale by his own poor life choices, then he wouldn't even give any of them the time of day.

And now...well, now he honestly couldn't picture a day of his life without any of them in it.

It was hard to explain what he was feeling. He knew that the group would rally around him, as they all did when one of them went through a personal crisis. The problem was that usually it was Jeff leading the call to gather around them when one of them fell down. It had never, as intelligent a guy as he considered himself, occurred to him that the day would come when he wouldnt' have the answers for his own problems, and he couldn't even identify what he was feeling, let alone why he was feeling the way he was.

Honestly, it would be easier for him sometimes if he could see the world through Abed's eyes...detached, forming connections with television characters rather than with real people. TV characters weren't real. They couldn't sexually harrass you every day even though they knew you were not of that sexual orientation. They wouldn't get away with obscene and offensive remarks, and they certainly wouldn't give their misguided soap box speeches when they were least warranted.

And above all, they wouldn't die and leave you wondering what in the world you had done so wrong, that a man would walk away from his innocent child, scarring that child for life in many ways.

00000

"Britta? Britta?" Shirley called out as the blondest member of the group stared off out the window in their study area.

"Hmm? Oh, right...what page were we on?" Britta flipped haphazardly through a textbook, and Annie and Britta exhanged concerned looks.

"Look, Britta, I'm not sure what's been going on with you lately, but right now we have you all...dazed and confused..." Annie started.

"I'm fine. Really, I am."

"That's good, because Jeff's in crisis, and, well..."

"What she's trying to say, but is trying to be polite, is that we can't handle two people in our group having a crisis at the same time. Unless they were Bert and Ernie here," Pierce nodded at Troy and Abed, who just inched their chairs away from each other.

"That's not true, Pierce," Annie frowned.

"Isn't it? Especially when one of those people in crisis is Jeff," Pierce continued.

"What?" the females all denied at the same time. "You're wrong!"

:"Actually, I've seen something like this in Friends. You can be a Chandler, who gets the girls and tells the jokes, or you have Joey, who is less intelligent than the other men, but has the heart, but you cannot have both types of character personalities in one person in any given group," Abed remarked.

Troy and Abed turned to each other, and said in unison. "I'm the Chandler!"

Then they broke off into their trademark handshake, and then turned their attention back to the group.

"And I thought Jeff was the g...the fl..the homo..., ah, never mind. It's just not as fun without him here to act like he's shocked and offended," Pierce scowled.

Annie stood up. "You're right."

"I am?"

"I mean, it's just not the same without Jeff here to lead us, to teach us, to be our friend. If he cannot be our friend at the moment, it's up to us to be his friend. If he won't come to us, by golly, we'll go to him!" Annie stood excitedly and Shirley, Abed, Britta and Troy all followed suit.

Pierce slowly gathered his belongings, and tried to catch up to the group. "Wait for me!"

Abed surprised Troy by stopping, helping Pierce gather his belongings. The elder man looked at him in surprise. "Thanks, Ay-bed. That's all right."

Abed nodded, then joined Troy and the ladies.

"Now don't you think this is a better way of getting all your 70 virgins- when you help someone instead of trying to..." Pierce just sat back down, realizing that he was now talking to an empty room.

"I didn't really want to help Jeff anyways," he muttered, then sat back in his chair and started to take a quick nap.


	5. Chapter 5

So with Annie leading the procession, the study group (minus a now napping Pierce) searched the hallways until they found Jeff, who was sitting in the empty room that brought the group together- the room "Senor Chang" taught them Spanish...the Spanish class which "Tutor" Jeff agreed to lead, albeit for less than pure motives. Without that group, they wouldn't have found each other...and each member's lives would be more than a lot emptier had they not been brought together by Jeff's intentional twist of fate.

"Jeff," Annie started. "I know you're upset...we all notice. We all care about you and just want to..."

"Stop!" Jeff protested. "I know you mean well...but how about this idea. Annie, you could probably apply for Mensa, but should Mensa do even the most menial background check and discover you're a student at Greendale Community College, in which case they would not only pass you over for admission, they would recommend a college best suited for a 'college' transfer...McDonald's University..."

"Whoa! They have a college for McDonald's? Is that where they teach you the secret to their big mac sauce? " Troy was practically salivating.

"I hear it is for their employees, which begs the question is..if the students are employees, do they pay their tuition, or does McDonald's take it out in trade?" Abed commented. Which of course, only fueled Troy's enthusiasm even more. Which of course, only fueled Jeff's annoyance at the entire conversation even more.

"What about the burglar? Would he pay, or would he be able to steal enough cheeseburgers to sell them and therefore pay for his own admission? But then, having an education, would he need to fall back on his life of crime? And is Ronald McDonald a mascot, or would he be the professor?" Troy continued.

"Clowns are creepy," Annie noted, to which Abed nodded.

Jeff looked at her. "Annie, I expected better of you. Troy and Abed, I get. But you, seriously..."

"Well they are!"

Jeff shook his head and packed up his books and stood to walk away. Shirley blocked him by standing at the doorway and, crossing her arms, she shook her head vehemently and it was clear there was no way Jeff was going to be able to get out of this conversation.

"Guys...I know you're worried about me...I know I've been avoiding study group and thus, I've been avoiding you..."

"So he does acknowledge that we exist," Shirley remarked.

"Shirley..." Jeff looked at her. "Look, I know you mean well. I know you all do. I know you care and you all look up to me, for whatever reason, to be the voice of reason, to help you make sense of whatever little life's problem of the day is. But-and please don't take this personally- has it occurred to you that I might be going through a problem myself...a problem so big and so personally soul-scarring that none of you have the answers to help me figure things out? I've never in my life met a group of people so caring, so supportive, and so accepting-then again, I was a lawyer...but this time I just have to ride this one out myself. Now if you'll excuse me."

Shirley looked at Annie, who just nodded sadly in resignation, and Jeff was able to leave. But he was leaving more then the conversation, more than the company of the people on earth who knew and loved him best...he was walking away from his family...and as his father was in the last stages of his battle against cancer...these misfits were the only family on earth he would have. And for some reason, instead of making Jeff feel better, making him feel loved, making him feel like he had the strength to go on...he felt even more alone than he ever, ever had in his entire life. Without looking back, Jeff walked away, and the group looked at each other, each feeling very, very sad.

Finally Pierce caught up with them. "There you all are! It's math class. Aren't you all coming? It's Pi day.."

Britta, at the mention of what she interpreted to be 'pie' which reminded her of those dreams she'd been having involving Jeff, turned beet red, and ran out the door. But not before overhearing Pierce remark," That Britta, she sure must love her pie."

"Speaking of pie," Shirley spoke up. "Did I tell you I found a recipe for apple pie...it was Andre's mother's recipe, and he said it was e ven better than hers..."

Annie rolled her eyes. "Only about a million times, Shirley."

"What's that supposed to mean? I don't hear you coming up with a topic of conversation which will take our minds off the fact that apparently Jeff doesn't want to be our friend anymore."

Shirley, Annie, Abed and Troy all hung their heads down and sighed.

Then the dean, dressed up like a big calico cat, walked in. "I'm not trying to give you paws...for thought...but I'm wonder-dean if you all knew what was going on with Jeffery? He won't return my calls, even when I make my calls 'private."

"Not now, Dean." Troy said, as he slowly walked out of the room.

No one else made eye contact with the dean either, as one by one, they all left the room. Except for Pierce, who was for some reason entertained and intrigued by the dean's latest getup.

The dean put his finger against his mouth, and wondered aloud what was going on. Then he was distracted by a spot of his tuna sandwich on his hand, and he started licking it off, and ran the back of his hand against his mouth.

"I'm all for chasing some tail," Pierce commented as he frowned at the end of the dean's costume. "But this carries it a bit too far, don't you think?"

Dean swiped his hand in the air. "Go on. Don't you have class to get to?"

"Oh yeah..it's pie day in math class. I brought my own whipped cream," Pierce laughed as he walked away, leaving even the dean confused as to the state of the study group. Until a fly flew past the dean's head, and distracted by the insect, he walked around to follow the pesky fly.

tbc


End file.
